15 signs ELLE DECOR thinks you're failing at life

Why, WHY do magazines insist on publishing lists of random, age-related design "rules"? I saw this tweet from ELLE DECOR last night, and of course I clicked over. I mean, they said it was a must-read!

The article is entitled, 15 Things You Should Never Ever Have in Your Home After 30, which was a pretty good sign that it was going to be terrible, but I read on.

(The rest of this post will make a lot more sense if you've read the Elle Decor article, so click on over and then come back and laugh with me.)

As the lead texts explains, "You're an adult now and it's time to decorate like one." Later in the same paragraph the author uses double exclamation marks. Because how else does a mature adult add emphasis!!

Anyway, you probably just want to know if you're FAILING AT LIFE or not, so let's review the list:

1. A futon.

Jonathan Adler thinks they're "le worst". I have absolutely nothing against Jonathan Adler, but I'm pretty sure using the expression "le worst" disqualifies you from telling anyone what they should never ever do because they're an adult. Like, totes disqualifies you.

2. Temporary furniture.

Because apparently we're calling buying expensive furniture "living intentionally" now.

3. TV stands.

I really like this one because it contains the classic advice, "It's time to do something a little less functional and a little more decorative."

4. Art or posters taped to the wall without frames.

They recommend investing in custom framing. Guys, by 30 you should totally be spending lots of money on things.

5. Florescent floor lamps.

Did you know that soft lighting floor lamps are "easier on the eyes, prettier in the space and do wonders for your complexion"? Also, you're totally getting old and hard to look at.

6. Bare wood floors and postage stamp size area rugs.

I'll admit that when my dog repeatedly peed on the large area rug in our living room, I was totally "reaching for the quickest solution" when I removed the rug. Also, I felt like the daily cleaning of urine stains was interfering with my ability to live intentionally.

7. Cheap bedding.

Listen, I love my fancy sheets (wedding present), but only buying what you can afford seems like a pretty good reason to have cheap bedding, whatever your age. Also, can we please stop equating buying expensive stuff with treating yourself well?

8. An unmade bed.

Seriously? Never ever? These people do not have small children.

9. Plastic dishware and serving pieces.

Because if your two year-old smashes her dinner plate every night you can just buy more!

10. Kitchey picture frames.

I've personally never liked those "Best Friends" picture frames, which I now realize proves how sophisticated I am!!

11. Accent walls.

This one is so random to me. I mean, is it me, or do they just really hate accent walls?

12. That collection of shot glasses from your college spring break adventures on display.

Does anyone actually have one of these? Seriously?

13. An empty fireplace mantel or bookshelf.

You're over 30. WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT?

14. Fake plants or trees.

Age 30. The tipping point when fake plants "just aren't necessary" anymore.

15. The pillows sold with the sofa.

Especially not if they came with the sofa you bought on sale when you were just filling up space with random crap, you unintentional jerk.

Update: A big thanks to everyone who's taken the time to leave a comment! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one with plastic dishes and an unmade bed :)